Here’s a passage from my book Leap Before You Look.When your partner or anyone close to you is speaking to you,
Whether telling you a story, lodging a complaint, or sharing a feeling,
Give your undivided attention.
Listen with all of you:
With your ears, with your heart, with your skin, with your breath.
Pay attention so completely that everything else disappears.
Listen not only to the words,
But to the mysterious presence from which those words arise.
Listen to the sound of the voice, to the inflections.
Listen to the silence between the words.
Listen to what was not said, but can still be sensed. (more…)

More than forty years ago, on Our World,  the first live global television link, the Beatles performed All you Need is Love, to an audience of 400 million people in 26 countries. The BBC wanted a song with a simple message that could be understood by all nationalities.   It went on to become the #1 single in the UK for three straight weeks.  Today everyone can sing the lyrics, everyone knows the tune, and it has become a unifying anthem the world over.  Why?  Because everyone loves love.

Thirty six years later, the Black Eyed Peas performed their first single Where is the Love? at the Grammy’s in 2004, earning themselves two  awards on the night. That song is the 25th best selling single of the entire decade in the UK.

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love?

These two songs are not only about romantic love, or the personal love we feel for our children, or our parents, or even our country.  They are about LOVE,  the Big Love, the love that we all intuit, and admire, and sometimes even deify.  They are songs about what our hearts tell us is true, tell us is our real potential, even if that intuition is trampled underfoot each and every day by disappointment, cynicism and disorientation. (more…)

Modern Man’s Response to the Emergence of the Goddess


Back in July, I published a piece on this blog, as well as on Huffington Post, called Why It is Wise to Worship a Woman. That article emerged in a very personal and spontaneous way. I’d been out for a walk with Chameli, my wife, one evening. Overwhelmed with the feeling of “it just couldn’t get any better than this,” I popped a little update on Facebook in celebration of the goddess I’m married to. Surprisingly, by the morning there were dozens of comments. A lot were from women, but many were also from men, either wondering where they could also have the good fortune to find a goddess similar to mine or, perhaps more important, wondering how they could discover the same spirit of deep appreciation of the feminine.

That article was my answer to that question. It reflected on the wisdom of being in worship of the feminine. Not just get along with, or tolerate, or befriend, or cooperate with. Yes, I said what I meant: to worship the feminine. (more…)

Whenever I start a new client with Awakening Coaching, it begins with four questions.

The first is, “What are your objectives of entering into this coaching relationship?” This means, “What do you want? What’s important to you?”

The second question is, “What gets in the way? What are the the habits, beliefs, and situations in your life that you’re aware interfere with what you’re most longing for?”

The third question is, “What can we count on you for? What are your strengths? What are the habits that you’ve already developed in your life, where you and everyone else can hold you accountable?” For some, it may be that they’ve cultivated the habit of transparency, of telling the truth. For someone else, it might be the daily practice of meditation or Chi Kung.

And the last question has to do with outcomes. “At the end of this eight week coaching series, how would you like to be different? What would you like to be different? How would you like things to look, in an objective, measurable way? (more…)

Here’s a passage from my book The Translucent Revolution.

The feminine in all of us intuitively knows how to feel. People with more feminine energy (usually, but not always, women), whether translucent or not, have a much greater intuitive capacity to feel than people with more masculine energy. Amy McCarrel also works with women to cultivate feminine translucence:

A woman’s heart is a genius of the moment. If you look around a room of people, women’s hearts are particularly sensitive in this way, constantly feeling what’s mean in the room, what’s closed in the room, what feels good in her body when somebody speaks, the sound of the voice, how relaxed it is, what they’re saying, or if it’s coming from a place of mental tension. It’s happening all the time.

The world is metered by my heart. The way somebody walks down the street: I’m safe, I can relax, or I need to protect myself. Just metering constantly what feels true, a truth meter. Woman can always know, feel, when a man’s words are correct. It’s truly one of the most profound gifts of the feminine, the genius of the heart, her inability to not feel. Everything is washing through. It’s coming in constantly, coming in, coming in, coming in. If something coming at it is less than true, it hits the heart and it hurts. If something comes at the heart that’s true, it washes through, and it opens. Whether I’m completely conscious or not in any given moment doesn’t alter the heart’s receptivity.

This feminine gift, of being able to feel everything in the body, can become contracted if we are caught in the Iago trance, and then it turns into melodrama. Consequently, the feminine in all of us is always afraid to be too much, to feel too much. It is also quite possible to have deep awakening, to be resting deeply in spaciousness, and to still be very shut down in one’s capacity to feel. A traditional masculine spiritual path can be very strong on wakefulness, but very weak on emotional embodiment; masculine-based spirituality has illustrated this for thousands of years. As a result, in most spiritual teachings, the advice has been to remain still, like a Buddha statue, to watch feelings pass, not to touch them. In a masculine approach, deeply feeling grief or anger would simply be a symptom of spiritual immaturity. Hypermasculine spirituality cannot help you to free up feeling, or to feel more deeply, because generally it has been founded by men who are themselves emotionally crippled. (more…)

Now listen up, ya’ll, because this is seriously interesting and unbelievable.

I made a new friend recently: a very funny, honest, tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy, who I’ll be interviewing later this week. But more about him later.

First let me tell you this incredible story that he passed on to me.

About 6 years ago, my friend heard a story about a mental hospital in Hawaii. This was a locked-down hospital for the criminally insane: dangerous people who needed constant supervision. A new psychiatrist came to this hospital and agreed to look over the patients’ medical charts and see what he could do to help them, without actually seeing them one-on-one at all.

What I’m going to tell you now may sound unbelievable and ridiculous, but my friend Joe has verified that it is real. After some months, every one of the patients in that mental hospital was healed. By now, they have all fully rehabilitated and have been discharged. This happened without medication, without therapy.

The psychiatrist in question was a Hawaiian man trained in the ancient Hawaiian art of Ho’oponopono. Ho’o what? Ho’oponopono. It means “to make right,” to see everything around you, whether it is directly a part of your life or not, as your responsibility. You must have the attitude that, “If I experience it, then I created it, and if I created it, I can dissolve it.” (more…)

“I love you.”

“I hate you.”

“I need you.”

“I want space from you.”

“I resent you.”

“I’m curious about you.

We make statements similar to these all the time in all types of relationships. When we speak in this way, it makes it sound as if there are fixed things called an “I” and  a “you.” The statement defines the relationship between these two entities. As long as it appears to be that way, all of our attempts to become more intimate, to improve the quality of relationship, are restricted to changing the verb that goes between the “I” and the “you.” If we can shift from “I resent you” to “I forgive you,” it feels like a big win. If we shift from “I hate you” to “I trust you,” it seems like greater intimacy.

When Chameli and I started to develop the Deeper Love work eight years ago, we both came together in a spirit of discovery. We had realized that trying to change the relationship between the “I” and the “you” didn’t work very well. It’s rather like two people sitting on either side of the Grand Canyon, wanting to experience love together. One throws a missive across the canyon, perhaps a rock with a note tied to it, saying “I love you.” It arrives at the other side. The recipient unwraps it, experiences warm, fuzzy, feelings, and sends back another missive, maybe pink and wrapped in lace, saying “I love you too.” They’ve now entered a Hallmark world together, but the vastness of the canyon between them is a more significant cause of the feeling of separation than the content of the notes that they send back and forth.

For my wife, Chameli, and me, the journey into a deeper intimacy began with an investigation of this thing called “I.” You don’t have to look very deeply into the sense of a me to discover that it’s not really a thing at all, but rather a collection of voices. That’s why our relationships are so often characterized by mixed messages and shifting dynamics. At one moment the “I” is the victim, and in the next moment the “I” has become the playful child, the next moment the loving parent, the next moment the horny lover.   There are thousands of voices like this.  Just scratch the surface a little bit, and we discover that we don’t have just one personality, but everybody has multiple personalities. (more…)

A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post up on Facebook before going to bed:

“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”

When I woke up the next morning, there were the usual offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on facebook:

“Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I’m] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don’t, or instead to decide that ‘I want that too,’ and, as you show, it is possible…”

I was touched.

Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing:

“I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it.”

So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it’s the wisest thing that a man can do. First of all, lets pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I’m familiar with all of them.

1.    “I’m wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine.”
So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine.  The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds. (more…)

Here is a practice from my 2008 book Leap Before You Look.

When you notice yourself caught up in a feeling,
Like resentment, rejection, or despair,

Cradle that feeling as though it were a small baby.
It may even help you to take a cushion
And physically cradle the feeling in your arms.
Sing to it.
Soothe it.
Let that feeling know that it is accepted, loved, and welcomed.
In fully accepting grief,
You become acceptance itself,
Which is none other than your natural state. (more…)

Here is a practice from my book “Leap Before You Look.”

Whenever there is disagreement or disharmony in the family,
Or any time at all, just for the fun of it,
Switch to gibberish.
You will all continue to communicate
And connect fully with each other,
You will just stop making any sense.
Express everything that needs to be expressed inside you
Using nonsense words.
Keep going like this for a minimum of five minutes
Or for as long as fifteen minutes.
Have fun; be generous in your nonsense.
When you are done,
Keeping a straight face,
Try to remember what the problem was.

When we connect, there are always multiple dimensions occurring simultaneously in the interaction. All at once, our minds are trying to make sense of things, wanting to be right, pressing our own agenda, and defending against others. This is where we often get lost as a family, and are left feeling separate from our loved ones simply because we do not agree, often on an ultimately unimportant matter.

When you switch to gibberish, the logical dimension of connecting is transcended, but the energy still flows. Now the communication has no logical purpose; it is just a way of allowing energy to flow for its own sake. You will discover through this practice that this is, in fact, much more fun and nourishing communication, and even that you feel closer to people when the logical has been flushed away.

We have used this practice often in our family. We have a code word—when things get too serious or intense, someone just says: “Gibberish.” Then we keep the conversation going, with just as much gusto as before, but now instead of being logical we are simply phorshemphashing troobalddee mosrhfung.

It might be disorienting, like it was just now, if a logical sentence and train of thought suddenly ghoopangs mooshfartoo foorganoble. What happened? It breaks the continuity of the mind, and we find ourselves manbang nooshbarat forbantbit. But that is the point, to break the stranglehold of the mind.

Try it out. You may feel much goosberiestier and share a great deal more foongatsong together when you abandon being reasonable and dive wholeheartedly into morshfangtooble shangsorbetty.

You can discover 72 practices like this in Leap Before You Look. Buy it now at our online store.