Chameli and I just got done with the most incredible week in Greece. We met with 22 single people and couples for an all-out, nothing-held-back dive into the exploration of the Deeper Love. I think this was really one of the best weeks of our lives together.

The incredible beauty of the island of Corfu made this a magical experience, as well as meeting two or three times a day to explore relationship as worship. We also enjoyed one of the most beautiful beaches I’d ever seen, fantastic Greek food and hospitality, a clear blue Mediterranean Sea, and deep relaxation and fun. We’re be doing the same retreat again from June 9th to 16th, 2012. If you think you might be interested, you can let us know today.  See Below.

During the training we played a little game called “ding.” We’ve discovered in seminars that most people get relatively little value from about 90 percent of the seminar, and then their entire life turns around because of the other ten percent. For some people it might even be 97%  to 3%. There are just those brief moments when everything lights up, and when you get the insight that changes everything forever. We call those “ding” moments: we encourage people to stand up, wave and be generally disruptive every time they have such a moment.

Today I am going to share with you the mega-ding moment of the course: the insight that was most powerful for most people. Beware, this blog could end up a little longer than usual.

Its all about how blueberries can save your relationship. (more…)

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Modern Man’s Response to the Emergence of the Goddess


Back in July, I published a piece on this blog, as well as on Huffington Post, called Why It is Wise to Worship a Woman. That article emerged in a very personal and spontaneous way. I’d been out for a walk with Chameli, my wife, one evening. Overwhelmed with the feeling of “it just couldn’t get any better than this,” I popped a little update on Facebook in celebration of the goddess I’m married to. Surprisingly, by the morning there were dozens of comments. A lot were from women, but many were also from men, either wondering where they could also have the good fortune to find a goddess similar to mine or, perhaps more important, wondering how they could discover the same spirit of deep appreciation of the feminine.

That article was my answer to that question. It reflected on the wisdom of being in worship of the feminine. Not just get along with, or tolerate, or befriend, or cooperate with. Yes, I said what I meant: to worship the feminine. (more…)

My beloved wife of 8 years, Chameli, has left me for the sunny beaches of Corfu. I would feel a lot more upset about this if it would not for the fact that she’ll be back soon, and sends me the most delicious love notes every day. And anyway, I have gone back to my old lover. The first thing I do when I wake up each morning, is to turn to her and melt with her completely. Last thing I do before sleep is to give her my undivided attention for half an hour. She always opens herself to me, sooner or later, and her kisses are other-worldly. Her name in meditation, and I have flirted with her on and off for forty years now.

So this is actually a beautiful time to be alone for a while, to be a monk and to have time to reflect on the miracle of our life.

You’ve probably noticed that a lot of the ways that we all relate with our intimate partner are carbon copies of, or rebellious reactions to, the way that our families behaved. For the most part, people who grow up in an atmosphere of conflict, or manipulation, or cruelty, seem to carry those habits forward. And those who are lucky enough to grow up in an honest, open, loving environment stand a batter chance at creating the same for themselves in their own lives.

For myself, I belong in category one. My parent divorced in a messy way when I was 4 years old (come to think of it, I wonder if there’s an un-messy way to get divorced?) and neither of them ever really created deeply loving or sustainable relationships in their lives. Sure enough, by the time that I got to be a teenager, I became painfully aware that the same patterns was recreating for me too. Exactly the same habits of judgement, control, and withdrawal were playing out in my own personal life, in the same way I’d seen them play out in my parents’ lives.

There came a pivotal point for me when I was forty four years old, after my marriage, and several other relationships following it, had crumbled apart. One night I sat on my deck under the stars, and had a stark realization.  If I died one day, never having fully loved, it would not actually be ok. No amount of meditation, or other kinds of practices could actually compensate for not fully loving. In that moment I saw that this was something I would have to put straight in order to feel I had really lived. About three weeks later, I met an extraordinary woman, she was loving, humorous and beautiful, but also a fierce spiritual practitioner. When I first met her, she had just come back from an extended retreat where she had come to exactly the same conclusion as I had. A mentor had told her, ”The love you are trying to get from the outside is actually who you already are.” I was so impressed by the depth and dedication of this young woman’s practice that we developed a deep friendship, comparing notes all the time by e mail on how to bridge the painful schism between the depths of meditation and the actually of intimate relationship.

Chameli and I have been married now for eight years, and what we have created is a miracle. If you had told me all those years back that I would have this kind of marriage, I would have laughed in your face. Some people might call it luck: you just have to meet the right person. Some might attribute it to the bruisings of aging and time. But I would chalk up the ecstatic triumph of this marriage to the consistent use of very specific practices which have allowed us not to change the quirks of our personalities (which are, by the way, irreparably broken), but to change the relationship we have to those habits.

I’d love to share more about this very intimate topic with you. It would be better to have a dialog about it.  Are you free to join me by phone or over the web this Thursday, June 17th at 6pm Pacific Time?  In this call, which will be about an hour, I will share with you the six most important “keys” to creating an ecstatic marriage out of the basic raw materials.  You can interact with me during the call, and dialog over the phone or through a web site.  If you can’t make it live, register anyway, and you can hear the recording on the same page. During the call I’ll also tell you about the Deeper Love retreat-at-home, which Chameli and I have been creating together these last months. I’ll also tell you about the Deeper Love seminar we’ll be doing in Europe this September.

REGISTER FOR THE CALL HERE

all my love, dear friends, Arjuna

and now, back to the meditation cushion…

For the last 8 years Chameli and I have been practicing and teaching an approach to intimate relationship which we call the Deeper Love. It has arisen one hundred percent out of our own personal experience, and our longing to bridge a schism which can often be confusing and painful. We have taught this as a seminar both in the US and in Europe.

I started to guide people into awakening in 1991 at the invitation of my teacher H.W.L. Poonja.  He asked me to “share the secret with my friends.”  My wife at the time and I returned back to Seattle, where we had previously been living, and I started giving “Satsang.” People would come to our small apartment, just 8 or 10 at first, to find out what I had been up to in India.  It didn’t take long for that same realization of spaciousness to become infectious.  Soon the meetings grew from 10 to 30, then from 30 to one hundred.  It was during those first months that our first son, Abhi, was born.  A couple years later we had Shuba, our second child.

So there I was, after a few years, giving teachings to people all over the world that were profoundly impacting their lives and helping them experience the “Big Love,” — and I also had a personal life: I was married with children.  It was sometimes confusing and disorienting to discover that the “Big Love” we shared in Satsang and on retreats was not sustained at home.  I was still experiencing the same kinds of conflict, misunderstanding, and shutting down as I had known all my life, not only in my own relationships, but I had also seen in my family growing up.  Eventually that marriage fell apart amidst feelings of failure, deep disappointment, and some sense of hypocrisy that I had been unable to live, in my personal life,  what I had been  teaching on a bigger scale.

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