Relationships


Here’s a passage from my book Leap Before You Look.

When you start to feel needy or insecure,
Celebrate it completely.
Ask your partner to sit in a chair or on the sofa, A
nd sit at your partner’s feet for a few minutes.
Enter into your fear of abandonment,
The need to be loved completely.
Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. I beg you.
I need you so much.
I can’t live without you. Please stay with me.
Look at me. Look at me. I want you. I need you.
Please don’t leave me.
As you enter more fully into this practice,
It will overflow from this exploration into deeper feeling.
You may find yourself crying.
It may evoke long-forgotten memories in you,
Or even the call of the heart to the divine. (more…)

Chameli and I just got done with the most incredible week in Greece. We met with 22 single people and couples for an all-out, nothing-held-back dive into the exploration of the Deeper Love. I think this was really one of the best weeks of our lives together.

The incredible beauty of the island of Corfu made this a magical experience, as well as meeting two or three times a day to explore relationship as worship. We also enjoyed one of the most beautiful beaches I’d ever seen, fantastic Greek food and hospitality, a clear blue Mediterranean Sea, and deep relaxation and fun. We’re be doing the same retreat again from June 9th to 16th, 2012. If you think you might be interested, you can let us know today.  See Below.

During the training we played a little game called “ding.” We’ve discovered in seminars that most people get relatively little value from about 90 percent of the seminar, and then their entire life turns around because of the other ten percent. For some people it might even be 97%  to 3%. There are just those brief moments when everything lights up, and when you get the insight that changes everything forever. We call those “ding” moments: we encourage people to stand up, wave and be generally disruptive every time they have such a moment.

Today I am going to share with you the mega-ding moment of the course: the insight that was most powerful for most people. Beware, this blog could end up a little longer than usual.

Its all about how blueberries can save your relationship. (more…)

I havn’t blogged for a while, and there is a good reason why. Here it is.

if you have been following my ramblings on line, you probably know that my wife Chameli and I have stumbled upon a way of being in marriage that is something close to a religious experience. We have learned together to drill down through layers of personality and habit, and to discover a dimension of each other which is divine.  Chameli has become not just my wife or my best friend, but my way of meeting God in human form.

A few weeks ago she was having some unusual symptoms, and the doctor sent us to the emergency room for tests. We filled out forms, she got weighed and measured and labeled, they connected her up to an endless array of beeping machines and drew many little vials of blood.  Then we waited, and waited, and waited.   When the young doctor came back he looked serious, unshaven and as though he had been up for days on end surviving on black coffee. He talked about elevated markers for cancer, and the need for an immediate ultrasound. They wheeled Chameli off on a gurney.  She looked up at me and grinned.  “If you’re not careful, you could get really lost in this movie: being the poor suffering cancer patient.”

We waited some more, this time for what seemed like forever.  Once the technician had talked to the radiologist who talked to the nurse, who talked to the doctor, he came back with more papers on his clipboard.   “Of course, the tests are not completely conclusive,” he told us, in the same tone one might talk about the chance of rain when you plan to go golfing, “There is a sizable tumor, and I’d say you almost certainly have cancer.  You’ll need to get referred to a specialist.  ‘OK?’” he smiled, as though waiting for us to say “Great!  Good job, Doc, just like Gergory House!”  He left the room in which we were now both reeling. (more…)

Here’s a passage from my book Leap Before You Look.When your partner or anyone close to you is speaking to you,
Whether telling you a story, lodging a complaint, or sharing a feeling,
Give your undivided attention.
Listen with all of you:
With your ears, with your heart, with your skin, with your breath.
Pay attention so completely that everything else disappears.
Listen not only to the words,
But to the mysterious presence from which those words arise.
Listen to the sound of the voice, to the inflections.
Listen to the silence between the words.
Listen to what was not said, but can still be sensed. (more…)

Hey!

Did you catch our conversation tonight with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks?  We loved everything that unfolded.

If you missed it, please listen to the replay here.

If you were on the call, please post your comments and reactions with the “Add a Comment” link above

So much love to you!

Arjuna and Chameli

Modern Man’s Response to the Emergence of the Goddess


Back in July, I published a piece on this blog, as well as on Huffington Post, called Why It is Wise to Worship a Woman. That article emerged in a very personal and spontaneous way. I’d been out for a walk with Chameli, my wife, one evening. Overwhelmed with the feeling of “it just couldn’t get any better than this,” I popped a little update on Facebook in celebration of the goddess I’m married to. Surprisingly, by the morning there were dozens of comments. A lot were from women, but many were also from men, either wondering where they could also have the good fortune to find a goddess similar to mine or, perhaps more important, wondering how they could discover the same spirit of deep appreciation of the feminine.

That article was my answer to that question. It reflected on the wisdom of being in worship of the feminine. Not just get along with, or tolerate, or befriend, or cooperate with. Yes, I said what I meant: to worship the feminine. (more…)

“I love you.”

“I hate you.”

“I need you.”

“I want space from you.”

“I resent you.”

“I’m curious about you.

We make statements similar to these all the time in all types of relationships. When we speak in this way, it makes it sound as if there are fixed things called an “I” and  a “you.” The statement defines the relationship between these two entities. As long as it appears to be that way, all of our attempts to become more intimate, to improve the quality of relationship, are restricted to changing the verb that goes between the “I” and the “you.” If we can shift from “I resent you” to “I forgive you,” it feels like a big win. If we shift from “I hate you” to “I trust you,” it seems like greater intimacy.

When Chameli and I started to develop the Deeper Love work eight years ago, we both came together in a spirit of discovery. We had realized that trying to change the relationship between the “I” and the “you” didn’t work very well. It’s rather like two people sitting on either side of the Grand Canyon, wanting to experience love together. One throws a missive across the canyon, perhaps a rock with a note tied to it, saying “I love you.” It arrives at the other side. The recipient unwraps it, experiences warm, fuzzy, feelings, and sends back another missive, maybe pink and wrapped in lace, saying “I love you too.” They’ve now entered a Hallmark world together, but the vastness of the canyon between them is a more significant cause of the feeling of separation than the content of the notes that they send back and forth.

For my wife, Chameli, and me, the journey into a deeper intimacy began with an investigation of this thing called “I.” You don’t have to look very deeply into the sense of a me to discover that it’s not really a thing at all, but rather a collection of voices. That’s why our relationships are so often characterized by mixed messages and shifting dynamics. At one moment the “I” is the victim, and in the next moment the “I” has become the playful child, the next moment the loving parent, the next moment the horny lover.   There are thousands of voices like this.  Just scratch the surface a little bit, and we discover that we don’t have just one personality, but everybody has multiple personalities. (more…)

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