April 2011

Here’s a passage from my book Leap Before You Look.When your partner or anyone close to you is speaking to you,
Whether telling you a story, lodging a complaint, or sharing a feeling,
Give your undivided attention.
Listen with all of you:
With your ears, with your heart, with your skin, with your breath.
Pay attention so completely that everything else disappears.
Listen not only to the words,
But to the mysterious presence from which those words arise.
Listen to the sound of the voice, to the inflections.
Listen to the silence between the words.
Listen to what was not said, but can still be sensed. (more…)

Dear Arjuna,

I just finished listening to the recording of the Thursday call and was floored and honored to hear you read my question and so eloquently answer it. I wanted you to know that in the spirit of your advice I am fully taking on worshiping the goddess in my girlfriend Jennifer.

Mostly she appears as a mystery to me, what is behind her eyes that is, but sometimes I feel this visceral stab of delight in my gut as I watch her, and I suppose this is me connecting briefly with her divine presence. It’s almost too much to bear. I will keep at it and try to make some sense of it, or if not sense, then gratitude along with an ongoingly unconstrained sense of wonder.

As your video was prompted by conversations with your wives, my question was prompted by an interesting conversation I had with Jennifer about the potential tangible contributions of more women’s wisdom in today’s world. She has recently been studying women’s wisdom with Karen Buckley. I felt like something tangible and political should be done, and yet, I’m equally clear that I’m not the leader of that movement.

Jennifer is in formulation about whether she is going to be the one to step up and be the leader of that. If she does, she intends to do it by transforming the way business is done from the inside out, which sounds like the perfect starting place to me. Clearly Jennifer is one of those kinds of women to watch for all kinds of reasons. I’ll keep you posted.

Thanks again for your excellent coaching and advice. Maybe it really is all we men need to do to be this change we want to see in the world.


– Robert.

It’s hard to believe that 150 years ago, white people owned black people in 23 states. Slavery ended with the surrender of General Lee in 1865. Chief Justice Roger Taney, on behalf of the U.S. Supreme Court, wrote in 1857 that black people were “so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect.” Do you think that Taney could have imagined, in his wildest dreams, that we would elect an African-American president in 2008?

Today, people with different colored skins have more or less the same opportunities and rights in this country. Does that mean that racism has been completely eradicated? I don’t think so.

In the same way, back in the 1920s, women protested for their right to vote. It was a struggle, but they succeeded. In the 70s, women demanded their right to participate in a social and economic system that had been mostly created by the male mind. Women became judges, police, politicians, religious ministers, all roles that had been previously reserved for men.

And now, in the last few years, we’ve seen women step up again, not to participate in structures created by men, but with their own expression of feminine wisdom. Countless books have been written now on feminine leadership, feminine ecology, feminine approaches to education and art, and perhaps most important, the emergence of feminine spirituality. Does that mean that repression or even disrespect of feminine energy by men is gone? I don’t think so. (more…)

As you might have seen, we seemed to touch a nerve with our movie, “Dear Woman.”  We have been deluged with objections from every possible variety.

But here was a response from a woman who was gang raped as a child.  The movie shifted something for her, and for us that makes all this worthwhile…

Here is Katherine:

Dear Conscious Men, one and all,

I just watched your beautiful video “Dear Woman.”  With tears of joy, immense love, deep gratitude, and profound hope for healing, I thank you!  Thank you, dear men, for your vision, compassion, courage, love, honor, and respect.  This is so much more than an apology.  This is a declaration of love and understanding that moves men and women beyond duality and opens the door for true and deep healing.  This is a monumental step towards visioning a new world and a new way–a way that honors the divinity in all women, all men, and all life.  This is a path that heals the deep divide between us and moves us towards LOVE.  Together, we truly can create miracles.

Like many of my sisters around the world, I, too, have been raped, tortured, beaten, belittled, betrayed, abandoned, and abused.  Despite great pain, I know that the human heart has the awesome capacity to rise above, to open, to heal, to forgive, to love.  The men who gang-raped me when I was a little girl are not here to apologize.  But I forgive.  Perhaps they were unable to free themselves from the chains of hatred that imprisoned them, but in forgiving, I free myself.  I understand that our world is hurting deeply.  I understand that women and men are crying out for healing.  On behalf of my gender, I apologize for the ways unconscious women–from their own place of  wounding, pain, and fear– have injured our brothers, husbands, fathers, and sons.

What remains unhealed in one soul will always injure another.  Let us end this destructive cycle of injury.  Let us join hands and hearts, and, in the spirit of co-creativity, let us heal ourselves and our planet.  Let us vision into reality a new and magnificent world that celebrates and honors our oneness and our divinity.  Let us choose love.

With deep love and heartfelt gratitude,

The day will come when,
after harnessing space,
the winds, the tides, and gravitation,
we shall harness for God
the energies of love.
And, on that day,
for the second time in the
history of the world,
we shall have discovered fire.

Tielhard de Chardin

Here is a passage from my book Leap Before You Look.

Whenever you feel provoked, irritated, or pulled to make a response, Stop. Sit back in the saddle. Scan your body and notice what you are feeling. Seek out any areas of strong emotional tension; feel what is there. If it helps you, label it: Sadness, anger, desire, whatever it may be. Stay with the sensations, Dropping the story—the why and the because. Do everything you can to experience what is here, to the maximum possible degree, for no more than a few minutes. then, relax. feel your interiority as though for the first time. If there’s more emotional tension calling to be felt in this moment, take a few extra minutes to welcome feeling even more totally. Keep going until the charge is gone. Feel yourself now; you are not just a loving person, you are Love itself.

We have all been faced with experiences that seem overwhelming: the anger of a drunk parent; the thrill of a sexual encounter; the end of a relationship. We have learned to say “yes” to parts of what we feel, and “no” to the rest. Long ago, we built a wall in the middle of our emotional landscape. Do we still need that wall today? (more…)

God and I have always had something of an up-and-down relationship. I really like Him (or is it a Her or an It? I’ve never been quite sure) a lot. I mean A LOT. More than anything else.  But still, we’ve had our struggles.

My grandmother was my very favorite relative, complete with a friendly dog and a friendly cat, closets which smelled of mothballs, and an endless supply of wonderful desserts. She went to church every Sunday and prayed, and she taught me to do the same.  I picked it up pretty easy.

“God, this is Nicholas here.” (That was my name when I was a kid, Nicholas.) “God, thank you very, very much for making me captain of the cricket team. That was very nice of you. And thank you for the B grade in English. I was wondering if you could help me out with Biology, and maybe get me a B in that too? Oh and by the way, you know that girl with the blond pigtails, Molly Smithers? Well God, I’d really like to kiss her.   God..?   God..?   Are you there, God..?    Hello..?”

I was quite conscientious about my praying back then, but I was never quite sure if anyone was listening. Seemed there was a lot of static on the line, and I wasn’t quite sure if my mail was getting read, or if my phone calls were being listened to. (more…)